Elon Musk: The Tech Casanova?

Elon Musk: The Web’s Worst Boyfriend or Tech Casanova?

Howdy, everybody! Welcome, welcome! You understand, I have been studying about Elon Musk in recent years. Oh, come on, you already know who he’s—the Tony Stark of genuine lifestyles, the SpaceXplainer of all issues area, the… the Bitcoin tease. This man is so long run, I wager his diary is written on an iPad from 2040.

Lifestyles with Mr. “I am Running on Mars Colonization”

So, Elon simply had every other biography written about him. As a result of, you already know, one biography is rarely sufficient for a person who needs to colonize Mars. In it, Walter Isaacson describes how tough Elon is in relationships. And that is coming from any person who hung out with Steve Jobs, so you already know he’s noticed some issues.

Simply believe relationship Elon. “Howdy, honey, wanna Netflix and relax?” “Nah, let’s simply simulate a Mars touchdown. However you’ll decide the planet subsequent time.” Disregard dinner and a film; you are signing up for quantum physics and SpaceX launches!

From Tesla to Courting Hell-sa

Elon’s exes say he is emotionally risky. It sounds as if, he has more than one modes—like one in every of his Teslas. There may be “Relax Elon,” “Workaholic Elon,” after which… “Demon Mode Elon.” In Demon Mode, he’s both launching a rocket or your feelings into the stratosphere.

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His first spouse, Justine, mentioned that once they danced at their wedding, Elon whispered that he used to be the “alpha” within the courting. Alpha? The man named his child X Æ A-Xii, which appears like any person smashed their head in opposition to the keyboard and referred to as it a reputation.

Asperger’s or Now not, That is a Lot

Ok, certain, Elon has Asperger’s, however does that make him ship a C-section picture of Grimes to her complete circle of relatives? Even supposing you’ve Asperger’s, there will have to be a elementary “Do not Do Silly Stuff” protocol hardwired for your mind someplace, proper?

And let’s no longer fail to remember, it is a man who doesn’t take holidays. As a substitute, he does “paintings sprints.” His thought of a holiday is most certainly making you take a seat via a 10-hour PowerPoint presentation concerning the risks of AI whilst sipping on battery acid.

Last Remarks: Elon’s Cushy Aspect

Now, earlier than you assume I am handiest right here to roast Elon, let me say this: the person has a young facet. Like when Talulah Riley’s pal died, he flew to England simply to be together with her. It’s great. It’s more or less like when Godzilla stops destroying town to puppy a kitten. It doesn’t make you fail to remember concerning the town, however aww, have a look at the little kitten!

Elon and Justine Wilson: The Alpha Tango

Ah, Elon’s first spouse, Justine Wilson! We’ve got all heard of the alpha male, however Elon took it to every other stage when he whispered to Justine that he used to be the “alpha” right through their first dance at their wedding. Wow, not anything screams romance like organising pack dominance at the dance ground!

You understand you are in for a deal with when your wedding night time comes to phrases extra suited to a Nationwide Geographic documentary on wolves. “Honey, will you howl on the moon with me?”

Their courting used to be described as having “giant arguments in public.” Ah sure, as a result of what might be extra romantic than shouting over rocket schematics at a pleasing eating place?

Believe this: The massive day has arrived. Elon Musk and Justine Wilson are status at the dance ground, surrounded through the smiling faces in their family members. The air is thick with romance and ambition—as a result of, let’s be truthful, with Elon Musk, there is at all times an underlying layer of ambition, even at his personal wedding. The primary dance starts, and what does the king of Tesla and SpaceX whisper into his bride’s ear? Now not “I really like you,” no longer “You glance gorgeous,” however “I’m the alpha on this courting.”

Sure, women and gents, that is proper. Whilst maximum grooms are content material with a smooch and a dip, Elon’s already organising the pack hierarchy. I will nearly listen David Attenborough’s voice narrating, “And right here, in his herbal habitat, we see the Alpha Male announcing his function within the pack, a ritual hardly ever noticed in human courtship.”

Nevertheless it does not finish there! Oh no. As a result of what is a wedding with out a theme, proper? And for Elon and Justine, the theme appears to be “Nationwide Geographic: The Wolf Pack Version.” It is as though Elon checked out conventional wedding vows and idea, “Until dying do us phase? How about until the alpha calls?”

In the event you assume the wedding used to be a curler coaster, wait until you listen concerning the public arguments. Ah, sure. Image your self taking part in a quiet dinner at a trendy joint. Cushy jazz within the background, your date appears to be like gorgeous, after which from the nook of the room, you listen any person yell, “I informed you, Justine, the rocket must be reusable!” Ah, candy nothings, however no longer in point of fact.

Justine, to her credit score, is not one to go into reverse. So she fires again, “Elon, for the affection of God, are we able to please speak about one thing rather then rockets for as soon as? How about we speak about who is casting off the trash this night?” To which Elon would retort, “Taking away the trash is a waste of human possible! That is a role for robots!” And the orchestra in their love continues, one argument at a time.

Ah, however regardless of the entire ups and downs, and the very, very public downs, those two controlled to create a lifestyles in combination, a minimum of for some time. As a result of as everyone knows, Elon’s love for achieving new frontiers is not only restricted to SpaceX. On occasion, the ones new frontiers are new relationships.

Nonetheless, Elon and Justine gave us one thing to contemplate: Love is not only about affection or compatibility. On occasion, it is about discovering that particular any person you’ll argue with at a complicated eating place about whether or not a reusable rocket is a better human fulfillment than, say, working out whose flip it’s to clean the dishes. Ah, trendy love!

Elon and Talulah Riley: Take Two and Motion

Then there used to be Talulah Riley. Married, divorced, after which re-married to Elon. It is like a instrument replace. “We had a couple of insects within the first model of this marriage, let’s roll out Marriage 2.0 and hope it does not crash!”

Talulah as soon as mentioned that after her shut pal died, Elon flew to England to be together with her. They “simply watched silly TV and laughed.” You need to marvel, used to be the TV in fact silly or have been they staring at rocket launches long past improper on a YouTube blooper reel?

Ah, the sequel we did not know we wanted, however were given anyway. As a result of if you are Elon Musk, why forestall at launching rockets or electrical automobiles? Why no longer relaunch a complete marriage?

It is like a Hollywood blockbuster: “Elon & Talulah: The Reboot.” Most effective this time, as a substitute of latest actors or a twist within the plot, it is the similar actors, similar plot, however with “malicious program fixes and function enhancements.” You understand, the type of instrument replace that makes you assume, “Did anything else in fact alternate?”

“Marriage 1.0 used to be a laugh,” you’ll believe Elon announcing, “however have you ever attempted Marriage 2.0? Now with extra emotional bandwidth and higher balance in antagonistic stipulations!” And someplace in a Silicon Valley convention room, a workforce of courting engineers are furiously coding the brand new model.

However you have to give it to them, they do have some romantic moments. Like when Talulah’s pal passed on to the great beyond and Elon flew the entire strategy to England simply to be together with her. Ah, that is candy! What did they do? Watch “silly TV and snigger,” Talulah mentioned.

That leaves us questioning: What qualifies as “silly TV” within the Musk family? Had been they staring at fail compilations of other folks’s rocket launches? You understand, sitting again, consuming popcorn, and Elon going, “Glance, Talulah! That is not the way you land a rocket! Hahaha!” Ah, not anything brings a pair nearer than failed aerospace engineering.

However regardless of their ups and downs, and the uninstall-reinstall procedure they went via, Talulah and Elon gave it a forged move. Their love tale is a testomony to the age-old adage, “If to start with you do not be triumphant, relaunch your marriage and notice if it sticks the second one time!”

Who is aware of, possibly 3rd time’s the attraction? With Elon, you by no means in point of fact know what is subsequent. Mars? Some other Tesla style? Marriage 3.0? No matter it’s, it is going to be out of this global!

Elon and Amber Heard: The Dramatic Saga

We will be able to’t fail to remember Amber Heard. Musk described their courting as “brutal.” Ah sure, not anything like a love tale that may be summarized with the similar phrase we use for gladiator fights.

Brutal! Relating to Elon Musk’s courting with Amber Heard, that is the phrase of the day. You listen the phrase “brutal,” and also you assume UFC cage fights, medieval jousts, or staring into the abyss of an Excel spreadsheet on a Monday morning. However no, it is how Elon Musk describes relationship. Ah, love within the age of Tesla.

Elon and Amber’s romance used to be much less of a “stroll at the seashore” and extra of a “walk via a minefield.” Are you able to believe date night time? As a substitute of Netflix and relax, it is like “Tesla and Rigidity.”

“Howdy, Amber, do you want some popcorn along with your high-stakes emotional drama?”
“Provided that it comes with a facet of existential dread, Elon.”

Now, we will be able to’t say we are shocked. If you end up juggling rocket launches with divorce papers, what is a little bit brutal romance at the facet? It is like Elon noticed his courting standing choices and idea, “Unmarried? Married? How about ‘It is difficult in area’?”

Their courting used to be as solid as a SpaceX rocket prototype. You understand, the type that appears superior however may just explode at any second. In the future you are unveiling a progressive automotive, and the following you are navigating the explosive ruins of your courting, considering, “Is it too past due to transform this into some more or less renewable power?”

Ah sure, Musk and Heard: the couple that makes Romeo and Juliet seem like a fairy story and Cleopatra and Mark Antony look like mere kid’s play. As a result of when you are in search of a love tale, why opt for Shakespearean tragedy when you’ll have a Silicon Valley cleaning soap opera?

Elon and Grimes: The Long run is Now

After all, we come to Grimes. She mentioned that Elon “pals love with being imply or abusive.” It appears like Elon Musk is the one man who may just flip “Netflix and Relax” into “SpaceX and Tension.”

Grimes referred to as it “demon mode” when Elon will get in point of fact intense. I will see it now. Elon sits down on the dinner desk and says, “Babe, as a substitute of a romantic getaway, how would you are feeling a couple of romantic Mars colonization?”

I believe occurring a date with Elon comes to sitting via PowerPoint shows about synthetic intelligence taking on the arena. As a substitute of roses, you get a bouquet of Tesla charging cables.

Ah, Grimes and Elon Musk, the couple that makes us all ponder whether we are dwelling in a science fiction film. Their love tale is as futuristic as Elon’s companies. It is the real-life model of “Her,” aside from the working device sings indie songs and designs odd child names.

Grimes referred to as Elon’s intense emotional state “demon mode.” You understand, maximum {couples} argue about whose flip it’s to do the dishes or what display to observe on Netflix. However those two? They debate whether or not AI goes to be a benevolent overlord or the top of humanity. Ah, younger love!

Are you able to believe a regular date night time? “Honey, as a substitute of going out for dinner, how about we calculate the opportunity of a self-sustainable ecosystem on Mars? Oh, and as a substitute of dessert, we’re going to do possibility checks for the SpaceX Starship.”

The item about Elon is that he does not deliver you plants; he brings you blueprints. As a substitute of whispering candy nothings, he most certainly whispers quantum physics equations. “Darling, you are as very important to me because the Planck consistent in quantum mechanics.” Swoon, am I proper?

When Grimes mentioned Elon may just affiliate love with being imply or abusive, I feel she intended love via rocket thrusters. It is like their hearts do not beat; they blast off. Maximum {couples} argue over who left the bathroom seat up. Elon and Grimes argue over who left the spaceship hatch open.

So yeah, relationship Elon Musk is like being in a futuristic rom-com the place the principle characters are phase geek, phase rockstar, and completely unpredictable. As a result of let’s accept it, you’ll’t spell “Grimes and Elon” with out “OMG, extraterrestrial beings.”

Relationship Elon Jokes

1. Elon Musk’s love lifestyles is sort of a SpaceX release: bold, difficult, and from time to time issues simply blow up.
2. Relationship Elon is like proudly owning a Tesla: graceful and trendy, however you are at all times nervous about working out of power.
3. They are saying by no means move to mattress indignant, however with Elon, you by no means move to mattress. There are rockets to release!
4. Elon’s the type of man who would plan a romantic getaway to the World Area Station.
5. Elon does not whisper candy nothings; he whispers inventory projections.
6. Within the Musk family, the word “I want area” has a completely other that means.
7. Elon does not get a divorce, he simply schedules a “device replace.”
8. A love letter from Elon most certainly comprises a minimum of 3 charts and an offer for a brand new type of transportation.
9. Elon provides a complete new that means to the word “it is not you, it is me… and my more than one corporations.”
10. Elon Musk’s model of cuddling is keeping palms… whilst concurrently tweeting about cryptocurrency.
11. Elon Musk’s love language isn’t “Phrases of Confirmation.” It’s “Phrases and Prerequisites.”
12. When Elon fights together with his female friend, do you assume he yells, “To the moon!”?
13. Elon most certainly makes use of his personal tweets as pick-up strains. “Did you are feeling that? That used to be my inventory going up.”
14. Relationship Elon should be like relationship Wikipedia: at all times informative however by no means in point of fact certain if it is true.
15. Elon Musk’s courting recommendation: “Stay your feelings as solid as a SpaceX touchdown. So… no longer very.”
16. If Elon Musk wrote a romance novel, it might simply be the guide to a Tesla Type S.
17. Elon’s thought of a romantic night time out is a PowerPoint on why romance is inefficient.
18. In the event you get a divorce with Elon, do you get loose lifetime supercharging as a parting present?
19. How lengthy earlier than Elon invents a courting robotic that at all times is of the same opinion with him? Oh wait, it is referred to as Twitter.
20. Elon and Grimes named their child X Æ A-Xii as a result of that is the password to Elon’s center. Excellent success looking to understand that.
21. Elon’s marriages are like his rockets: able for a relaunch.
22. “Elon & Talulah: The Sequel” – Coming to a courthouse close to you.
23. If Marriage 1.0 did not paintings, simply look forward to the patch replace: Marriage 2.1, now with much less arguing!
24. Musk’s motto: “Fail speedy, relaunch quicker, remarry quickest!”
25. “Tool replace to be had: Marriage 2.0. Do you want to put in now or be reminded later?”
26. With Elon, it is not about discovering ‘The One.’ It is about discovering the most recent model.
27. Elon does not desire a love music; he wishes a person guide.
28. If handiest Elon may just make his marriages as sustainable as his Teslas!
29. Talulah should have felt like an early Tesla style—nice however wanted a few updates.
30. Between the rocket launches and the wedding vows, Elon’s in point of fact into countdowns, is not he?
31. Elon Musk did not simply shoot for the celebs; he shot for the alpha identify too.
32. Disregard Mars; Elon and Justine’s courting used to be without equal frontier.
33. For Elon, even love must be reusable. Therefore, the more than one marriages!
34. Elon does not consider in love to start with sight; he believes in love to start with a success rocket release.
35. Justine and Elon: The couple that argues about area in combination, remains in combination? Neatly, no longer fairly.
36. Their courting wasn’t written within the stars, but it surely used to be unquestionably sketched out in a rocket blueprint.
37. Justine should have identified she used to be in for a experience when “I do” got here with phrases and prerequisites.
38. It is not “child communicate” within the Musk family; it is “rocket communicate.”
39. Believe the wedding counselor’s face once they heard concerning the “alpha” whisper right through the primary dance!
40. If Elon whispered “alpha,” what do you assume he yelled right through arguments? “To infinity and past!”
41. You need to energy a Tesla with the stress between Elon and Amber.
42. Elon as soon as mentioned he needs to die on Mars. Amber most certainly sought after him to go away quicker.
43. “Brutal” may be how I describe the WiFi at my grandma’s space, however I suppose a courting with Amber Heard is more or less the similar factor.
44. If Amber and Elon had a love music, it might be “Rocket Guy,” however the rocket is solely stuffed with emotional luggage.
45. Elon’s love lifestyles: powered through Tesla, difficult through Amber.
46. With Amber, Elon found out the one factor more difficult to land than a SpaceX rocket—a drama-free courting.
47. If Elon may just create a renewable power supply from drama, he’d be set for lifestyles.
48. Love is within the air, and so is the SpaceX rocket—each are similarly risky.
49. Brutal, however a minimum of no longer as brutal as looking for a parking spot for a Tesla in LA.
50. The affection tale of Elon and Amber—as a result of each and every superhero wishes a posh backstory.
51. Elon as soon as mentioned he needs to retire on Mars. With Grimes, it is extra like, “Honey, do you wish to have to spend our golden years in a Martian biodome?”
52. If Elon and Grimes ever get a divorce, their “It is difficult” standing can be visual from every other galaxy.
53. Grimes and Elon—a courting programmed in Python and maintained in chaos.
54. A romantic stroll for Elon and Grimes is a excursion across the Tesla Gigafactory.
55. Demon mode? Appears like the most recent Tesla using environment.
56. As a substitute of couple’s remedy, they most certainly go for a Mars habitat simulation.
57. They do not write love letters; they ship encrypted messages via SpaceX satellites.
58. For his or her anniversary, Grimes most certainly proficient Elon a quantum pc, and Elon reciprocated with a map of possible Martian touchdown websites.
59. They did not simply damage the mould; they shot it into area.
60. With those two, the “honeymoon segment” may just actually imply a go back and forth across the Moon on a SpaceX rocket.

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